“I’ve been struggling,” my friend Mina tells me. “Adapting to a new habit, it’s like you are changing yourself. Sometimes it feels like pain comes along with the changes. The pain of changing is very exhausting. It’s as if you’re exercising every day and then one time you just feel so tired. It’s like… you’re trying to build a new you so you’re pretending to be someone that you’re not. It feels tiring after a week or two. Then, I will have a cheat day and afterwards I feel like not doing it again because of the pain I feel. How do I overcome these feelings? How do I overcome the pain of changing? I want to change for the better, but adapting to new choices is hard and stressful. How can I cope with that?” 

Mina’s struggle is very real and relatable to many of us. How many times have you started on a goal only to give up a few weeks later? You might have had the goal to live a healthier lifestyle. For the first few days, you’re right on track. You’re working out, you’re eating more vegetables and you’re avoiding too much processed food. Then, your sister decides to bake a batch of brownies, and oh that delicious smell, how it consumes you! So you think, okay, just this once. Soon enough once turns into many more times until you feel you’ve completely lost any will power to reduce the unhealthy food in your life. Why try if it’s so difficult? Why try if unhealthy food tastes so good and makes you feel happy? Why try if trying to live a more healthy lifestyle is painful? Changing for the better is not without its challenges. However, there are a few things we can do to make it easier. In this article, you will learn seven useful tips to help you navigate the pain of changing and building better habits. In summary, they are: 

1. Know That Change Is A Process 
2. Celebrate The Good You’re Already Doing
3. Be Selective
4. Repent After Relapsing
5. Attach A New Habit With Something you Love
6. Make A Profound Intention
7. Be Realistic 

Know That Change Is A Process

Be patient with yourself. Change is not the flip of a light switch, change is a process. The pathway through change is slow and gradual. Therefore, we need to start to enjoy and appreciate not only the end goal or the end result, but we need to enjoy the PROCESS of growth. The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) advised us that even if the day of Judgement is about to happen, we should plant a tree. Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Even if the Resurrection were established upon one of you while he has in his hand a sapling, let him plant it.” (Source: Musnad Aḥmad 12902, Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Arna’ut)

Let’s let this hadith sink in. The Prophet (SAW) instructed us to plant a tree. We might never see that tree grow, might never enjoy the shade and fruits of that tree but the Prophet emphasized: still plant that tree. So enjoy the process of planting the seeds of your growth. You may not see the fruits immediately, but the seeds you plant will be a worthy investment for your future. 

Celebrate The Good You’re Already Doing

Don’t disregard the steps you’ve already taken in your life to improve yourself. Whatever right choices you are making now, whether it be maintaining a positive mindset or attempting to learn from your mistakes, or renewing your intention, recognise and appreciate yourself for it. Be grateful to Allah for guiding you towards making those choices. Know that whatever little steps you’ve taken towards your self-development and growth all count. Those steps and that effort will never go to waste. Celebrate those little wins and use them as motivation to push yourself to take even more steps towards changing for the better. 

Be Selective of Your Goals 

If you’re anything like me or my friend Mina, you perhaps have a long list of goals you want to achieve, a TON of good habits you want to build, and a hundred things you want to do. That list can feel very overwhelming. Rather than stressing over how you’re going to achieve all your goals, focus on what is in your immediate control. Tell yourself: “It is not in my control to achieve all these things all at once, so I have to be very picky about what I really want to start changing.” Ask yourself: What’s the first thing that I want to change? Your answer should be simple, such as making your bed immediately after waking up in the morning. That’s a simple change. It’s still going to take effort. Sometimes you might relapse, sometimes you might leave your bed unmade, but if you are determined, the next day you’ll get back on track and make up your bed again. So think about a small habit or behaviour that will influence your life positively. Then commit to building it. 

Repent After Getting Off Track 

Forgive yourself when you relapse or when you don’t do what you had committed to doing. Then make tawbah. Don’t allow yourself to think “Okay, I can’t keep this up, it’s too painful, too uncomfortable, and I can’t do this anymore.” Yes it’s uncomfortable, yes it’s painful but you CAN do it.  You need to love yourself because Allah loves you and you need to forgive yourself because Allah is The All Forgiving and He wants you to forgive yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Change can feel as though your bones are being crushed. You need patience, love, and care. Don’t expect to always adhere to the habits that you promised to do. Sometimes you might relapse. If you go back to your old ways, the only way to move forward is to forgive yourself and start again. Then fall. Then start again and again and again. Never give up on the power Allah has placed within you. 

Attach A New Habit With Something You Love

Attach and associate all you do with something loving. For instance, say one of your goals is to lead a healthier lifestyle. In order to achieve this, you want to cook at home more often. Instead of seeing cooking as a time-consuming chore, you can listen to your favourite podcast while preparing your meal. That way, when it’s time to cook, you won’t be dreading the task but rather you’ll be looking forward to the time you get to listen to something that uplifts you. Another example could be if you want to build the habit of exercising. Instead of procrastinating on your workout and the pain that comes with it, you’ll look forward to the time you’ll spend listening to your favourite nasheed. Alternatively, you could go for a walk with a loved one and so you’ll see exercise as the perfect opportunity to spend quality time with your favorite people. Try to be creative and think of what fun and exciting things you can associate with the new habits you want to build. The positive association will help motivate you to carry on when things get tedious. 

Make A Profound Intention

A friend of mine called me while I was in the middle of writing this article. She reminded me that if your intention is for the sake of Allah, then Allah will guide your path no matter how difficult it is. Make a clear, deep, and sincere intention along with each habit or change you want to make. For example, if you want to build the habit of cooking, you can make the intention to cook in order to nourish your and your family’s bodies so that you become the strong servants whom Allah is pleased with. You could make the intention to make cooking a way of spreading love to your family and maintaining strong bonds between each other. You could make the intention to use cooking as an expression of your gratitude to Allah for providing for you. You could make the intention to cook a little extra food in order to ensure your neighbours never go hungry. How do these intentions compare to the intention to cook “just because you have to”? Your intention is your answer to WHY you do what you do. It is the golden arrow that will hit its target. Never underestimate the power of your intention when it comes to forming new habits and committing to change. 

Be Realistic 

When committing to a new goal, be realistic. If you can't do it everyday, do it some days. For example, if you can’t cook everyday, cook some of the days and for the rest, fry eggs or eat leftovers. Cook a bit of extra food and freeze it for emergencies. If you have to, order the healthiest thing off a restaurant menu.  Communicate with those around you, explain your predicament and ask for their advice. Find a solution to whatever challenges come your way. If you can’t find the time to workout everyday, workout for fifteen minutes thrice a week. Doing little things and being practical about it will help you avoid burnout and help you get through the pain of change and the pain of building a new habit. 

Put these seven tips into practice and see how they will transform your life for the better In Shaa Allah. You’ll learn how to manage the pain of change and overcome the obstacles of building a new habit. Lastly, let sincerity be your driving force. Let it be the light that gives you energy and pushes you towards what you need to do in order to become the best version of yourself. As my friend Mina told me:

“My Makcik (Aunt) Azlina used to remind me that if you put ikhlas into everything you do, you will not feel a burden and the reward will come to you.”

As your fellow sister in Islam, let me just say that I am so proud of you for wanting to change for the better! May Allah grant you success on your path. Don’t forget to comment and like this article. For more inspirational content, follow us on Instagram @qalbyapp. 

References:

https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2012/11/24/plant-tree-ressurection/