What does it mean when someone tells you that you are a beautiful person?
These are precious words, even more so than being complimented as physically beautiful or being told that you write, draw, or speak beautifully.
I would argue that beautiful people have suffered, but they have so much grace for others that their pain is the last thing that defines them.
Why do you think that the Prophets and their believing companions were the most tested people on this Earth?
Because it refined their hearts, it made them understand the language of pain, and come out more beautiful, gentle, and resilient than ever before.
“…And indeed, when Allah loves a people He subjects them to trials, so whoever is content, then for him is pleasure, and whoever is discontent, then for him is wrath."
[Jami` at-Tirmidhi 2396]
Let’s return to our discourse on the story of Yusuf عليه السلام that we began in our previous article: ‘The Sincerity of Yusuf عليه السلا’ ,and now look at the beautiful result of all those severe tests that characterized his life.
But let us look at his life through a different lens, looking inward at our struggles or traumas.
We may not have our own flesh and blood abandon us to a miserable death. But we may have been betrayed, neglected, or harmed by those we trusted and felt safe with.
How many times have we spoken up and met with blank silence or mockery; how many times have our words been carelessly brushed aside even though we spoke the truth?
The people in the house of Yusuf عليه السلام knew that he was innocent, yet they allowed the lies to build up against him, not caring about his feelings or reputation.
Has this happened to you- where people chose to blame their faults on you and ruin all the goodness you strived to do? In psychology, this is called gaslighting.
Finally, Yusuf عليه السلام found himself imprisoned, far away from anything righteous, pure, or beautiful. And this could be something we’ve experienced, being trapped in a dark situation surrounded by fear, uncertainty, and evil intentions.
Wal Eyadu Billah, may Allah protect us and lift such burdens from us and our loved ones, Allahumma Aameen.
Or you may be going through something that, while it hasn’t been traumatic (Alhamdulillah), still feels like it’s draining your heart.
It could be yearning for a loved one who has been separated from you or loving someone who feels out of your reach.
You could be uprooted and displaced from a home you thought you would live in forever, or not be as happy as you expected to be when you got what you wanted.
SubhanAllah, the Dunya is full of bittersweet moments, and as the proverb goes, there is a drop of poison even in the most delicious cup of happiness.
So how do we deal with it all?
We find the best example of post-traumatic growth in Yusuf عليه السلام ‘s story when he is exonerated and finally released from the disturbing cycle of life events.
The 5 Characteristics of Post-traumatic Growth
Post-traumatic growth is a psychological phenomenon that describes a positive psychological transformation as a result of a struggle, or multiple painful experiences, like in the case of Yusuf عليه السلام.
While trauma tends to shatter a person’s worldview and disrupt their core beliefs, nearly 50% of trauma survivors [see references] experience this positive change in mindset – and these are regular individuals like you and me, so this ability is not just given to Prophets, Alhamdulillah.
Let’s reflect on our own pain as we journey through these five qualities and see how they can beautifully impact our lives or may have amazingly influenced us already.
1. A Greater Appreciation for Life
When you are thrown into a state of fear, grief, or uncertainty, then the little things and mercies of life that you once took for granted become infinitely more precious.
Once they come out of that dire state, those who experienced the struggle look at the world with new eyes, and they see miracles in the mundane. They pause to let sensations of contentment and gratitude for life and living wash over them, and peace becomes their priority within themselves and their relationships.
This is depicted in the story of Yusuf عليه السلام when he addresses his brothers, and later when he is reunited with his father.
In the first instance,
He said, “I am Yusuf, and here is my brother ˹Benyamin˺! Allah has truly been gracious to us. Surely whoever is mindful ˹of Allah˺ and patient, then certainly Allah never discounts the reward of the good-doers.”
[Surah Yusuf: 90]
And, later,
“O my dear father! This is the interpretation of my old dream. My Lord has made it come true. He was truly kind to me when He freed me from prison, and brought you all from the desert after Satan had ignited rivalry between me and my siblings. Indeed my Lord is subtle in fulfilling what He wills. Surely, He ˹alone˺ is the All-Knowing, All-Wise.”
[Surah Yusuf: 100]
SubhanAllah, his story had come full circle, and Yusuf عليه السلام appreciated the blessings of Allah both during the trials and when looking back at them from a place of serenity and security.
2. Prioritization of Relationships
The next is how we treat people with more mindfulness and mercy; those we love become infinitely dearer to us in times of loss and pain.
But what of those who have caused us harm?
Yusuf عليه السلام had every right to avenge himself, and he had the power to do so. But what he did instead was astounding – he turned that power inward, releasing the hold that his abusive brothers had over him.
They were not allowed to have power over who he was and what he did; it was a position they certainly did not deserve.
Joseph said, “There is no blame on you today. May Allah forgive you! He is the Most Merciful of the merciful!
[Surah Yusuf: 92]
Yusuf عليه السلام did not try to make them feel better about their actions. But he chose to look beyond their offense because he knew how near they were to accountability before Allah for their crimes. So, he directed them to Allah, still a well-wisher, still wanting to protect them from the torment of the Hereafter.
3. The Identification of New Possibilities
We often notice opportunities to excel only when there is a risk of them being taken away, or after we are severely distanced from them.
When he was acquitted of the false accusations by the King of Egypt, he did not remain quiet and meek; he did not cower away or bow his head.
Instead, he said, “Put me in charge of the store-houses of the land, for I am truly reliable and adept.” [Surah Yusuf: 55]
Yusuf عليه السلام wasn’t shaken or unhinged despite all the negative experiences he went through; he did not doubt himself. Instead, he saw that he could make things better, and he continued to take steps to create positive change.
4. Increased Personal Strength
It is through struggles that we gain strength, resilience, and opportunities to grow and fulfill our potential that we wouldn’t have otherwise had.
Yusuf عليه السلام understood that he needed these tests to become who he was meant to be.
To his brothers, he said, “I am Yusuf.” [Surah Yusuf:90]
He didn’t look at himself as a victim; he didn’t define himself as a survivor of abuse and trauma.
He was an honoured slave of Allah. He was beloved and chosen by the Lord of the Worlds.
5. Greater Spiritual Development
Yusuf was a beautiful person -he was a Muhsin; one who did Ihsan (utmost good) at every season of his life, whether he was treated well or not; whether he got what he deserved or not.
He had one constant- His desire to please his Lord, Who had given Him everything. He was never ungrateful to Allah, even when trapped in a well of pain, even when locked up in a prison cell and losing everything he valued.
Not even in one instance did he blame Allah or question His Decision.
He still had Allah, he was till the great-grandson of Ibrahim عليه السلام and carried a legacy of Tawheed in his blood and his heart. There was nothing more he needed.
In Conclusion
This Dunya (worldly life) is adept at making us feel worthless, and we often allow it to do so, forgetting that our worth is only in being sincere worshippers of Allah. If He honoured us with Imaan (faith), nothing and no one gets to strip away this gift- the best gift ever given.
If Allah, the Creator, Master, and Sustainer of everything that exists, Chose you- then not even you have the right to feel deprived of His Mercy, Honour, and Love.
If we face every season of our life with Taqwa (God-consciousness) and Sabr (patience; continuance of good works and good expectations of Allah in times of difficulty), then know that we will be rewarded with ease and contentment, and we will be blessed with nearness to Allah; the sweetest of victories, the most intense and unimaginable of delights.
I will end with an echo of this beautiful supplication we are taught to make after each prayer, both for myself and for you all,
اللهم أعني على ذكرك وشكرك وحسن عبادتك
Allahumma A’inni A’la Zikrika Wa Shukrika Wa Husni Ibadatika
“O Allah, help me remember You, to be grateful to You, and to worship You in an excellent manner.”